Tuesday, February 12, 2008

My Subconscious.

I have been dreaming a lot in the past couple of days. Yesterday, I took an afternoon nap, and this is the dream I had:

These two boys who were walking to school. One says to the other, "So you told your Mom that your brother put your PB Sandwiches in boiling water, huh?" and the other kid said, "Yes I did. But, he didn't really do that, and so with a little call to the Post Office, I get to have them for lunch. Now watch this!" And then they were going back to his house and the garage door started opening, but a HUGE paper sack (like the kind restaurant french fries come in) broke through the garage door, and there were a bunch of smaller paper sacks and huge foil wrapped baked potatoes there too. The boys stood there all open-mouthed as the big sack started to wiggle. The boys were saying, "Favorite foods!" in horror because they realized that they were in deep trouble for opening the garage door, thus causing it to break, for lying, and for not being at school. So then, the wiggling sack broke open with the brother popping out saying, "Favorite foods, candy, and teenage girls; all ready to see you be a nerd!" Then, a friend knocked and woke me up. Weird, I know. ha.

Then, last night, I had a dream with one of my seminarymates whom we shall call "Jim." I was at my childhood home, sitting on our OLD OLD couch on the front porch (the couch has been gone for several years). Jim came inside my house and was talking to me about this book that he wrote. He was going to give me an autographed copy, but he had to go talk to one of our professors first. While he was there, my Mom was there, also. She was talking to me about going to see Christmas lights. She said, "I think I'm going to go look at Christmas lights." I told her, "But it's light outside. You won't be able to see them." And really, I was just trying to get her to not go because I knew she was not supposed to drive. So, she just kept saying, "I know, but I want to go see them." And I kept saying, "But it's light outside. You won't be able to. How about we wait til tonight and I will go with you?" And she said okay, and I took her car keys and put them on my own keychain. About that time, I woke up.

That dream was weird, but not in the "Twilight Zone" sense because the exchange between my mom and I was relatively true to life. When I still lived at home with her, I tried to tactfully get her to see some reason so she would not go do certain things. Then, after I left and the sibs took away her car keys for safety reasons, they would try to reason with her. And the dream was just bizarre, and somewhat disturbing. But, I don't know why it's disturbing. Maybe just because I hate dementia SO DAMNED MUCH that I could puke, and it ticks me off that it's invading my dreams now. I don't know. I've had Ma on my mind for a while now because she's not doing well, but we have no "official" word on diagnosis of something possibly/probably new. It's just a troubling thing to watch someone who cared for me so much, and who I love dearly, spiral down into complete and utter confusion, what is probably much like a dream all the time. Not quite understanding everything, but unable to make heads or tails of it. Oy.

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