Thursday, September 21, 2006

I'm being unreasonable.

Do you ever have the problem where something unexpected happens and you have a completely unreasonable response to it? That happened to me today. I had a good morning, where I really thought, "You know, even though this whole application to candidacy and now candidacy process has been somewhat long and "stop & go" for me, and despite the many questions I have posed to myself regarding my ability and/or readiness to move away and begin theological education, I really believe that ministry is where I am being led." I was feeling really good about it all, and I was even planning on submitting my application to seminary online today after I got done talking with one of the Assistants to the Bishop in order for him to be my second rostered leader reference (Not the A to the B for Candidacy affairs, the other one who is in part responsible for teaching churches to do Natural Church Development. Our church is in the midst of NCD, and that is how I know the A to the B). Anyway, I was expecting to have a talk with him over the phone for maybe 45 minutes to an hour and that would be that. But instead, he suggested I go to the Synod Office to have a 2 hour meeting with him. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not averse to meetings or whatever, but I have been waiting for what seems like FOREVER to apply to seminary. And now, I don't know if I should WAIT until after October 7 to apply, or if I can go ahead and apply now. The application requires that the applicant put down the information for the references, so I'm in a quandary. Our meeting is 2 weeks away! That seems like a long time. A really long time! And what if they don't take me for the Spring Semester and I will have quit my job already and blah blah blah... Anyway, so I'm just way more upset about this than I should be. That is why I feel like I am being unreasonable. I'm also angry with myself because I should have read my e-mail before I called the A to the B because Pastor suggested I use the other A to the B (the one for Candidacy Affairs) because she already knows me. I had thought about her before, but didn't think she was allowed to be a reference for me because she is so involved in the application and candidacy process. Or if I'd known that I needed to have a huge whole long interview, I could have found a more local pastor to help me out. I've met a few of them, and I'm sure one of them would have been willing to act as a reference. But no... See, unreasonable. I'm being unreasonable. It's not the end of the world. Maybe I'm just tired. I don't know. I need to go get ready for work now. Bye.

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