Tuesday, August 08, 2006

AHHHH!

Wow. I have realized that I seem very mean in my previous post. I think I'm letting some stress get to the better of me. I know that I should not be worried, but as I think about what my life is going to be like for the next few months, I get kinda anxious. I am not a fan of anxiety. It may be jumping the gun, considering I've not yet been accepted to seminary, but I'm scared about leaving home. I'm scared that I won't get to see my family on a regular basis and that I'll miss out on my two nephews' growing up years, and that they won't remember me as the silly, let's have fun aunt that I try to be. I'm afraid that my friends; especially my two best friends and I will drift apart. I'm afraid that things here will go to pot, and I'm afraid that I will feel guilty if they do.

But on the other hand, I'm excited about leaving. I'm excited about the new friends I will make and come to love. I'm a pretty outgoing, funny, lively, and energetic person. I was voted as class clown in high school, and I have always found ways to have fun. I know that I will not completely lose my whole family because I love them and I know we can use email, telephones, and occasional trips home to keep in touch. I know that I have 4 siblings who can help my mother in my stead as I work on higher education. I also know that I have felt anxious in the past, and when I really stepped back and looked at my life, I could see God at work. Therefore, I know that God loves me, has a plan for me, and will not let me be crushed. Nothing can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus; not even my hysterical tirades against my hometown... I need to remember that it is not my own calling, but it is God's call in my life that has led me to this place and God will not forsake me as I begin a new leg of my journey. So, I guess that this post has allowed me some time to think about the situation in which I find myself, and I feel better. You guys are great for listening to me. Thanks.

2 comments:

Inheritor of Heaven said...

Even here in large city suburbia that kind of stuff happens (especially if you live in a neighborhood with a covenant). There are pools where there are not supposed to be pools and fences where there are not supposed to be fences and all sorts of stuff like that. We, for a time had a person who took on the roll of ordinance enforcer as they "walked the dog" daily and then reported violations to the board. They have since moved. Anyway, those behind the back types are everywhere. I don't know if they are always malicious in intent or if they are too timid to confront something or someone they believe are wrong.
I hope your "confirmation" (or whatever it is called) to seminary goes well and you are accepted. I once had the papers to fill out to go as well but in talking with my pastor at the time we discerned that it was not the proper time yet. I have since taken a year long school of ministry course which was designed for lay-leaders. Kind of a training and equipping course of study. We will be having a series of sermons/teachings in the fall in order to help everyone understand and discern the call of God in their lives so that we can be more effective in living out the destiny God has for us. I am looking forward to it.

RuthRE said...

I can relate. The thought of the logistics are what I'm processing right now. The selling my home, quitting my job....moving away from a young niece (and other assorted surrogate nephews)...potentially spending Christmas alone once I'm in a call...those sorts of things....