Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Thinking you have stumbled upon an ordinary blog...

You have instead entered: The Twilight Blog!

I'm just kidding. I've only seen "the twilight zone" about once in my whole life. Anyway, that's not what this post is about anyway. I'm just feeling the need to loosen up.

Last night I had this dream: I was at a church council meeting. It was weird though, because people who are not on the council were there. People whom I have NEVER served with were in there along with Pastor. Well, then Pastor said, "The psychological test results are back. Trish, you didn't make it." I asked, "Why? What did I say that was wrong?" He replied, "One question asked if robbers were good people. You said 'false.'" I said, "Why is that true?" And Pastor answered, "People who go into ministry must realize that some people are better at others at certain things. You didn't catch that, so the psychologist recommended a no for you." Then I looked down at the table and was like, "ok." And Pastor said, "That is another thing. You always look down. Ministers need to have confidence to look the world in the eye, even when things are not going their way." And the people around me, instead of talking about my negative recommendation instead started talking about lawn mowers. That's about the time I woke up. It's a very bizarre dream and I put no stock in it whatsoever, but it's just weird. I also find it funny because one of the questions in one of those personality profiles was something along the lines of, "I believe my dreams are things that should be heeded." I wrote false. My dreams are always just really weird things that generally I can figure out because of things that are going on in my life. So, I think the reason I had this dream was because I've been slightly worried about the results of this test. It's kind of weird though, because that dream helped me realize that they're not going to say no on account of my answer to one question. I imagine they take the whole thing into account. I just hope I came off as a well-adjusted, stable person. Now I'm just waiting to see what they say.

Did you ever notice how difficult waiting is sometimes? We live in an instant gratification society that practically conditions us to want and even expect things RIGHT NOW. As an employee of the food service industry, I see this quite often and am frequently disgusted by peoples' sense of entitlement. However, as I sit here, I realize that I, too, am guilty of wanting things to be resolved RIGHT NOW. I sit here wondering when I will know if I "passed" my psychological evaluations. Now, I consider myself to be pretty stable and level headed. I've made leaps and bounds in my own humble opinion in the past few years. When I was younger, I always felt guilty about things. I've gotten better about that. As a young adult, I had a problem with anxiety. Yes, sometimes I still get nervous (look at this post!) but the fact is that I'm worlds better than I used to be. I honestly believe that there is hope and promise out there, and I want to be one who spreads that hope and that promise. I would really like to do these things in a professional setting. I realize that we are all called to spread the Good News of Jesus in our daily lives, but it is just on my heart, truly and deeply, that I am called to ministry. So, it is in this desire to be a professional that I find myself to be impatient. I want to know RIGHT NOW if the psychologist thinks that I am fit or not. I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I need to have better faith in God's promise that God has a purpose in mind for me. It's just an anxiety-ridden process to wait to see if I've discerned "correctly" thus far. There is always that saying, "Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now." but sometimes I question that. Anyway, I'm off now, so I'll talk more later.

P.S. sorry that this post seemed to take so many different twists. I was thinking one thing, then I thought another thing, and I felt the need to get both off my chest. :) You are good people for putting up with my twists and turns!

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