Friday, June 29, 2007

Weather

So, Wednesday, obviously, was not a good day in the life and times of Trish. It all started when Oldest Brother (OB from here on out) called my cell at 6:11 a.m. to ask me if I could please come home (home home, not Sis and Bil's home) and stay with Ma. He said that she was getting really argumentative and combative and that she kept trying to "go home." Home to Ma is no longer her real home. She doesn't even know where she is. He also said that she put her coat on, grabbed her purse, and was about ready to leave. So, OB grabbed her and took her coat off of her because he'd been trying to reason with her for a good long while. But, since she take about 80 millions types of drugs, including blood thinners, she bruises like crazy. So, Ma got big bruises where OB took a hold of her to take her coat off. Let me get one thing straight here. OB is not abusing Ma. She will bruise if you hug her hard. I'm serious. But, he saw the bruises and freaked out, worrying that he had hurt her. So, he called me the next morning and asked me to come home so that I could sit with her because I "am good at calming her down." So, I rolled outta bed, put some clothes on, and went over. She was okay with me pretty much all morning, but around 3:00 or so, she started losing it. She kept asking me to take her home. She thought home was the next town over, though she's never lived in that town. She also says that that town is named the same thing our town is named, but it's different. And no matter how much I tried to tell her that she was home, she would not believe me. I had to walk with her a couple of blocks because she was walking "home." After OB got back, we had a conversation and he said he can't do this anymore. We decided it's time for Ma to enter a home, for good. Then, when I was getting ready to leave Ma's house to come back to Sis and BiL's house, I said goodbye to her through the bathroom door. She said, "Trisha, wait a minute!" and then came out and asked me if I'd be willing to take her home. She had calmed down a little bit prior to that, so I thought it'd be safe to tell her bye. But, I said, "Ma, you ARE home." She started crying and trying to guilt trip me into taking her home, but what could I do? I gave her a hug and said, "I love you." and she said in her mean/sarcastic/guilt trip voice, "Yeah, I'm sure you do." So, I had to leave then. She can't be reasoned with anymore. She's been like this for pretty much 4 or 5 days.

As much as I complain about OB and his sometimes very self-centered ways, I still love him. Even as much as his soon to be ex-wife can irritate the crap out of me, I still love him. And he's hurting about this. He feels like a failure because he's the oldest child and he can't keep her in the home. But you know what? He's done a great thing with taking care of her. He kept her in her own home for 3 1/2 extra months. And now, she doesn't know where home is, so it's definitely time. I told him all this too, because we respect him for what he did. We never EVER expected him to take care of her like he did, and I'm glad he's realized that he can't do it anymore. I'm also thankful that he doesn't seem to be blaming us for not helping more, or for the breakup of his marriage. His wife is moving to another state on Saturday. On Wednesday, she was over at the house, and she played nice with me. I tried to remember that grace is very important. In my CPE evaluation, Supa said, "Trish is a very grace-centered person." I lose sight of that sometimes, and I'm grateful that I had that in my mind when dealing with her this week. She even apologized for being so hateful the other day. I accepted her apology and I was rational and gracious (I think) the whole day toward her.

But, this whole situation is just so emotionally exhausting. I just feel too young to have to be dealing with my mother's quick cognitive decline. I'm just grateful that it seems we siblings have turned a corner and will be able to work together now. We've been talking to nursing homes and trying to figure out where would be a good place to have her live. The one she was in before is a definite no, and the one in another neighboring town is also a definite no, but there are several really good nursing homes around that specialize in dementia. I'm trying to keep this process kicked up because OB is at the end of his rope, and I want him to know relief. As selfish as it may sound, when I moved to Seminary, I was SO relieved to not have to be the caretaker anymore. So, I understand where OB is coming from, and I empathize.

Wednesday also brought tragedy. Howard's babysitter's son committed suicide in his parents' garage. The sitter and her husband came home and found him. The man was around 30 years old. I can't imagine what they must be feeling. I have seen people die; even people very close to me, but that was their son. And my loved ones didn't kill themselves. I'm just praying that the family is shown grace and love instead of being judged and talked about around town. These people are wonderful. The babysitter even came to the church I preached at last Sunday so she could hear what I had to say. She encouraged me and said I did a great job that day. And I have known her for months and have found her to be a wonderful person. I just feel so bad for her and her husband. If you remember, would you say a prayer for them? You may not know their names, but God does. I may be saying a prayer at his funeral service. Babysitter mentioned it to the family and to the minister, but they've not called me yet. I'd be willing to do whatever I can for them. It's their time of grief, and if they want me to speak a word of grace and peace to them, I just pray that God would give me the words.

This is just a tumultuous time. I know that everyone has problems; even big problems, but right now I just feel really bad. I know that God is with me, and I would never give up my faith because it is when I am with God that I know peace, but I just don't feel good about all this. The words of comfort and solace I find in hymns and Scripture are what I cling to in times like these. That is where I find God most clearly. May you also find peace in the promises of God through Christ today, and in all your struggles. Go in peace.

1 comment:

Jae said...

Oh, honey, when it rains, it pours.

Let me know if you want to talk.