Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Internship Stuff

So, dear readers, tomorrow is the day that most of my classmates find out where they will be going to live for the next year. The climate around the seminary has been relatively subdued, but there is still some anxiety surrounding this event. It's a natural thing to want to know such a big thing and not have to keep speculating about the unknown.

I've been very chill about the whole thing, for a variety of reasons, I think. First off, since I am getting married in May, I restricted myself for internship so that I can (hopefully) live with my soon to be husband. We are going to live in one of the more northern states in the Midwest. I'm excited about this. Another reason I've been pretty laid back is because the staff person kind of "in charge" of this process told me that I shouldn't worry because it will happen. I've taken her exhortation to heart, for the most part.

Finally, I have been fairly relaxed because this same woman told me that I might not get my assignment on the same day (tomorrow) as everyone else because it might take a little bit longer to find me a site in my restriction area. My logic tells me not to freak out beforehand because there is no 'definite' date for me to come to the end of any anxiety I might be feeling. That being said, I don't want to "agonize" for longer than the other people.

I received word on Monday that the internship site they had for me fell through, and so I'm a little bummed that I don't get my assignment on the same day as my classmates, but I had been warned about this, so it comes as really no big surprise. Obviously I feel a little disappointment, but nothing overwhelming.

What I find myself surprised about at this juncture is a little bit of anger I am feeling; not at the process or any of the people involved in ironing out all this internship stuff, but anger about so many people knocking the state to which I hope to go. Granted, it's not a place that most people DO want to go. But the thing that gets me is my own complex with people thinking I am stupid. I find myself wondering, "Do people think I'm stupid/crazy/less than because I WANT to go where they don't want to go?" And even if they do, that shouldn't matter, but like I said, it's my issue about thinking people think I am dumb. I just wish people would stop knocking my future home state.

The other thing is, though, that I know people aren't knocking me or the state, but they are just expressing their own desire to not go there, which is fine. Different strokes for different folks and all. But at the same time, people have a tendency to hear what they have been conditioned to hear (to a certain extent) and right now, I am hearing their desire to go elsewhere as a personal knock to me. Which is totally irrational, I know. I really know. But there are going to be people with complexes and with irrational ideas and fears in their congregations, and I find myself wondering about this.

What it all really boils down to is that I need to quit feeling so dumb. I'm not dumb. Intellectually, I know that. It's just a struggle, I suppose, that I will have to find a way to achieve over.

Sorry for the rambling, whiny-ness of this post. But whatev.

8 comments:

Ted said...

Don't let it get to you. I haven't heard a lot of people complain about internship (thank goodness!), but as seniors last year and this year have contemplated getting first calls, I've heard statements like "I would go crazy if I go to X" or the like. They're probably right - most calls in those places probably aren't for them. Some people get assignments that they think are "hard" or "the middle of nowhere," are terribly disappointed, go there, and find that it really is a great match.

Face it - we're social animals, and if chimp A says to chimp B, "I don't eat THOSE grubs. Ick!" we suddenly don't want them either. Some of that is survival strategy, some is wondering if they know something we don't, some of that is wanting to fit in.

So what I'm trying to say is: eat the grubs you've chosen, Trish. Ignore the people who want termites.

Coach said...

Trish,

As someone who just went through the process at LTSG, the intership matching/announcement process brings out the best and worst in people. People can be competitive, but also caring.

Focus on watching God's will being played out in front of, and through, you.

T said...

The state of which you are speaking has wonderful people. It's one of the places I truly have felt God's presence. It's hard to explain unless you've experienced it and I can't wait until you experience it yourself. Now that I don't think you are stupid at all! I do know where you are coming from though. People just don't understand why we would want to live, work, here. What they probably don't realize is it's their loss. Just my two cents!

Jacki said...

personally, I think you're crazy for wanting to live with your husband, I mean really :P I've not spent a ton of time in said state, but the time I was there for vacation I loved it. It's a very peaceful state and everyone was sooo nice. So I say, if you're happy, screw everyone else :) (not literally of course...Jake wouldn't approve of that) *hugs* see you Sunday!

Jae said...

You're not the one who's dumb; they are.

For one thing, it's ok to have a different opinion but it's not ok to express it so negatively.

For another, you're going there to live with your husband, for Pete's sake. Why WOULDN'T you go there?

I guess there's no accounting for other peoples' stupidity. When I was engaged while attending ISU, a girl told me that if she were me and were engaged, she'd feel like her life were over. :)

People are awesome!

Trish said...

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. I appreciate it and am feeling a bit better about the whole situation. Not perfect, but better. Thanks for caring.

Mark said...

Hey, I'm chiming in late... But I wanted to add my two cents. Unfortunately, for many years it has seemed the thing to do to knock your future home of choice. It's sort of the in thing to do. However, most of those people that make those jokes have not spent any amount of time there, so they don't really speak from experience. It's a lot like what Ted said above. They just say those things because everybody else is. When, in my experience, the people that have gone on internship there end up loving it and the majority have ended up going back for first call. Those I know who are currently living in that state love it as well, and have all sorts of good things to say about it and all the people who live there. So nay-sayers be danged! If that's where you want to go, then by all means go! I'm sure both you and the state will be richly blessed by the experience!!

Susan said...

Trish, my e-mail address is journeysinn@gmail.com. I'll be glad to address your questions. God has given us a long life in ministry.