Where is that Kubler-Ross lady when you need her? For those of you unfamiliar, (although, I'm fairly certain that you already know who she is) she is one of the people who classified "stages of grief."
Earlier in this unit of CPE, we had a "didactic" on grief. A didactic is a lecture, basically. In these didactics, we learn about things that can be, and very often are, helpful to us in our ministry with the people we encounter. Anyway, the giver of the grief didactic said that change=grief. Even good change causes us to grieve.
Basically, what I'm tap-dancing around is that I'm none-too-happy about what's going on with Ma. I know, I know, come to terms with it, already, but I'm finding it somewhat difficult. I know that God loves her, promises to be with her, even unto the end of the age, and cares for her more than the sparrows of the air. I know that God doesn't like to see her sick and frail and beset with cancer. And I know that God is with my family, her friends, and with me. But I'm just sad about it all. It's a change that will be happening and I'm grieving about it.
I'm sad for my poor mother. I just feel helpless, and that is not something I like to feel. Back in '95 when she had her heart attack, (it was a "minor" one) I could do stuff for her. I could suggest healthy foods. I could offer to go on walks with her. Then, when she got breast cancer in '02, I could look up what kind she had, prepare mentally for her treatment, tell her she looked cute as a baldie, learn about the chemotherapy she was receiving in order to field questions she couldn't answer, and get her 7-Up when she was nauseated. And even more recently when she was first diagnosed with bladder cancer, I learned all about what to expect, and what treatments were out there, and what the side effects would be. But with bladder removal, there's really nothing I can do. I can be with her the day of the surgery, and I plan on being home the weekend after she has it done, but there's nothing I can say or do that will change things or make her physical situation better. This sucks. I'm done writing.
4 comments:
I'm thinking of you...and with you in spirit.
That's a dirty rotten lie and you know it.
Just because you can't "change" it doesn't mean that there's "nothing" you can do. You being there is something, you taking the time out of her is something. Your prayers are something.
I'm right there with you in wanting to see physical fruits of your emtional labors, I really am, but you have to be comforted knowing you ARE doing something or you'll go nuts.
My mom is really killing herself over making sure my grandmother is taken care of, even with assisted living. You have to trust you're doing the best you can or you'll never let yourself rest.
Ok, I'm done lecturing.
Know that there's a complete stranger on whose blog you left a comment keeping you, your mom, and your family in prayer.
God bless.
*hugs* that's what i got for ya trish...lots and lots of *hugs* and if you need a real one, you've got my number and you are totally within driving distance...so if you need a shoulder, you've got one *close*
keep your chin up!! I'm thinking about you and your mom all the time!!
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