Man, this sucks!

Here I sit in my house with my bright green "fisherwoman's" hat on. Why, you may ask, is this girl sitting there with a hat on inside her house? Well, that's a simple explanation. Right now, I am scared out of my MIND!!!!!! It's a long story that I will within this text block regale you. Last night I was watching "The Real DaVinci Code" on the Discovery Channel. I was lying there on my couch minding my own business when I thought I saw something flying around. But you know, the lamp was on and sometimes those Japanese beetles can look like Buicks flying around if the light catches them right. So, I didn't think much of it. But then, a few minutes later (around 1:30 a.m., mind you) I saw it: a BAT!!! So, I started screaming (at 1:30, again let me remind you) and my mom came out of her room and said, "what is going on?" and I said, "we have a bat!" and I HATE BATS!!! We had a bat two Februarys ago when I was alone for a week cuz Ma went on a vacation with her friend. So, that is a whole other story for another time. So, I sat there on the couch with a blanket pulled tightly around me to keep bats off of me. And Mom came out and looked around, and went upstairs and all that and did not see it. So, I had to sleep down here because I thought I saw the bat go upstairs. I didn't get good sleep cuz I kept waking up thinking the bat was on me. So, I had to go upstairs this morning to get clothes for church (They kinda look down on people going naked) and I put my hat on, (Buying in to the urban legend that they go for hair; I know it's fake, but still...), my robe on, and I grabbed a towel that I could throw over it if I saw it. So then, I went upstairs and was making a lot of noise because I thought it might get scared and hide and I wouldn't have to see it. Then, I went into my room and grabbed my pants, and a shirt and stuff and thought I heard some "bat noises." At that point, I ran like mad (A bat out of hell, perhaps) and ran down the stairs and was slightly hysterical. We went to church and I just had this growing sense of dread as we got closer and closer to the benediction. I KNEW we were getting closer to having to go home and contend with my bat-infested house. I HATE BATS! When I went to a "discernment weekend" at a seminary in 2004 I regaled them with my first bat story and they said that bats hate moth balls. But I thought, "If I get mothballs, that will be an admission to myself that I think we have more bats. And I do NOT want to think that we have more bats." So, I didn't get mothballs. After this time though, I think it might be time to invest in making my house smell like moth balls. It's worth it, just to keep those flying rats out of my house. Ok. I'm starting to get hysterical again, so I better go take something. Just kidding. Bye.