Why?

The other night at Restaurant, one of my Wednesday night regulars came in. This man comes in always by himself and always at the very beginning of the night. He arrives, sits at the same table 99% of the time, orders the same thing, and then talks to me. Over the years he has been coming there, we've come to be what I consider friends. He's an older gentleman, having just turned 60. Sometimes he says weird things to me or hugs me, which I'm not really comfortable with, but since we're friends, I just shrug it off. Anyway, this man is a hard-core Catholic. We occasionally talk religion, though we don't get into it too deeply because Restaurant is not the time nor the place to get into theological debates. But, I digress. So, on Wednesday he came in and asked me how my semester has been going. I tell him that it's pretty good; I have 3 really neat classes (so far), one semi-cool class, and one really, really, REALLY boring class. I then said I am excited because I am now a senior. Then he asks me, "Does School have job placement services?" To which I reply, "I hope I don't need them. I would like to continue with my education." Then he asks me where I want to go and I told him the town it is in. He asks me what school this town is it that I want to go to and I told him. He says, "To be a minister?" And, me, not having told him of my vocational hopes, get a little red in the face for being found out. I told him that I hope that is what I will eventually get to do. And our conversation progressed with him kind of accusing me of not wanting to confide in him and I said, "I just wasn't sure how you'd feel about it." And he said that he will be my friend regardless, even though he disagrees. So, I was a little disappointed that he was not happy for me. He's a Catholic, yes, but many of my Catholic acquaintances are happy for me. Why can't he be? And the main question is, "Why am I so disappointed in the fact he is not happy for me?" It shouldn't matter. I believe that God has gifted me in certain areas and I believe that it is for His service. And I have thankfully been granted with a desire to learn. In my discernment thus far, I believe that He has led me to this juncture in my life. I look forward and hope that public ministry is something that lies ahead for me. Many people in many different denominations around the world wholeheartedly endorse and call women pastors. I read an article once that said 9 out of 10 Catholic scholars approve of female ordination. I guess it just hurts because people like for their friends to be with them and support them in the decisions they make; especially the big ones that are not just "Fly by the seat of your pants" decisions. I guess it is wrong of me to expect all of my friends to be happy for me in this. I should be happy that he still wants to be my friend because some people would say, "You don't believe like I do, therefore we cannot be friends." I guess this has opened my eyes a little more to the naive hopes and feelings I have. I need to develop a thicker skin because I'm sure that his will not be the last "negative" comments I will hear about this matter. It is just my prayer that God would be glorified in my life and have His will be done, despite what certain other people might say. Thank you for reading.

Dreams...

A very interesting thing has been going on inside my brain lately at night. I've been having some bizarre dreams. I have always been one to have bizarre dreams, but I just thought I would share some of them with you now. But before I do, I would like to say that I am one who has recurring dreams. I had one of my recurring dreams last night (I had several dreams last night), but to tell you the truth, I can never remember it until I have it. But anyway, if there are any psychologists or dream analysts out there, feel free to comment.

Weird recent dream #1: I had this dream late last semester. I was in Las Vegas and some crazy man was chasing me with the intent of hurting me. I turned away from this man and started running when I thought, "I need to face this guy so he will go away." So, I turned around and my stats professor was there. I thought that the crazy guy just transformed himself into my professor to throw me off so he could get close enough to hurt me. So, I walked up to him on the streets of Vegas, mind you, and pulled out this knife and stabbed him a few times in the side. As I did this, he said, "Trish, stop that. Now I can't wear this shirt anymore!" That is when I turned around and ran away. But suddenly, I was running up stairs. Not just any stairs though, but the stairs that are in my big brother's (BB) house. The stairs were just like BB's: dark, cluttered, angled and all. I got to the top and went to the room to the left. But the room turned out to be my back porch. So, I was on my back porch looking out at my dog (she's an outside dog), and there was a wolf in the backyard looking at me and telepathically daring me to come out and protect Doggie. At this point, I'm scared that this wolf is going to hurt my poor dog, so I went and grabbed my "rifle" bb gun and opened the door to shoot this wolf. The BB gun couldn't really hurt anything too bad; especially not a wolf. So my shooting it just made it angry. So that caused it to run at my dog. Then I went out and started beating this wolf with the stock of the gun to get it to stop hurting my dog. That is about the time I woke up. My favorite part of the dream: "Trish, stop that. Now I can't wear this shirt anymore!"

Weird Recent Dream #2: I had this dream last night. I wasn't an actual participant in this dream; it was like I was watching a movie. I dreamed that this married couple were not happy with each other so they started having affairs. The woman really liked the person she was having an affair with while the same was true for her husband. Anyway, they found out about the affairs. But the weird thing is, they were having the affair with the SAME PERSON! It was a man, by the way. So, this married couple, not wanting to get divorced, moves the man with whom they are having an affair into their home into the guestroom. The guestroom had a little twin bed that the man slept in. So, when one of the two married people "wanted" him, they would come get him and take him to their big bed. And the married couple was completely happy about this arrangement. About that time, I woke up. It was very bizarre. My favorite part of the dream: Waking up and thinking, "What kind of psycho am I?"

And truly, I think that is all the weirdness I am up to posting right now. Feel free to comment if you'd like.

A minor setback...

Well, my Initial Interview was postponed until February 1st. It's ok though. Stuff happens, we can't get all huffy and mad about it. That'd be just kinda dumb. So, on February 1st, at 10:00 a.m. I will begin my I.I. for her to help the churchwide unit discern if I am "fit" to go forth into the next steps. Discernment is a very big part of the candidacy process because we don't want or need whack jobs getting into ministry. That being said, I hope I'M not a whack job! Haha. So, at least this gives me more time to think about things and chat with you know Who. :) Anyway, so that's the update, and I must be going now. Have a good rest of your weekend!

I'm a fickle, fickle woman.

Yes, I am. When I was in high school, I thought it would be cool to have a web page. Therefore, I started one through one of those free services that allows you to have up to so many megabytes and what not. So, I worked and worked on that page. I figured out all kinds of stuff for it, and made it kind of like a blog before blogs were really cool. Like I said, this was back in high school before I'd even heard of a blog. So, I was curious about my old website and went there tonight. The information on it was so old that I was ashamed that someone out there would be reading my webpage thinking that I was still only a freshwoman in college, and that I was not yet a biological aunt. So, I updated it and of course, put a link to my blog on it. I think my webpage gets more hits than this thing! Ha. Which is pretty bad, but what can you do? Anyway, I'm having dinner tomorrow with my best childhood pal! I'm excited. We're going Italian. Woohoo! Other than that, I'm still completely and unabashedly excited about my interview that is coming up on Monday! Pray for me! ;) Later!.

Yay!

Hey, I was so excited I forgot to update this thing! I updated my "Myspace" blog, but not this one. Monday night, while I was at Sis's for Mooching Monday, Ma called and said someone had called to talk to me about Candidacy. So, I got the number and called the woman back. It was the woman who was asked to do my Initial Interview! We got it scheduled for this coming Monday! I'm SO excited! I thought they'd forgotten about me! I'm sure that my imaginary friends who are reading this are incredibly happy for me. ;) lol. I'll make sure and post all about how it goes!

I told you I'd tell you...

Ok, so in my previous post, I said I would elaborate as to why Ma and I sit in the 4th pew from the front every Sunday. Hehe. I'm bad. When I was younger and Ma first started "dragging" my little sister and me to Immanuel, we were not happy. Sisters and I used to go to the Sunday school at the Christian Church across the street from my house. Well, when I was 13, Ma decided she wanted to return to her Lutheran roots to the Church in which she grew up. So, little sis and I dragged our feet to Church because that was the decree handed down from Queen Ma. Well, we figured out that since the ushers dismiss pews from the front, we could get out before everyone else if we sat up front. Well, no one sat in the first 3 for a long time unless a baptism was going to occur. So, we got to be first out all the time. Well, then I really started liking Church, even as Little Sis grew further from it. She even got a job where she could work Sunday mornings instead of go to church. Well, Ma and I still sat in the 4th pew and it's not because I want to be first out anymore. I like to sit up there because it's close enough so that I don't have to hear Pastor through the sound system. I can't hear very well through it, so I like to hear his natural voice. I think I'm going deaf. So, that's the reason. I feel like a treacherous Lutheran to disclose my motives, but as they say, "Confession is good for the soul." Hasta.

A good Day.

Today has been a good day. A man at church a few weeks ago said, "Any day above ground is a good day." I liked that. It just sounds pretty optimistic. A big hearty "Thank You" for another day to live. You might be wondering why today has been such a good day, other than it's a day above ground for me... Well, it started out good and everything. This morning I woke up and was getting ready for church and all these jokes kept popping into my head. These jokes are not jokes I've heard before, but like material I could use if I ever became a stand-up comic (not likely). I just laughed at all the stuff that was coming into my brain. I wrote the stuff down for posterity to enjoy. So, anyway, today was an affirmation for me on my journey of discernment. As you might well know, I'm not discerning on my own; my congregation and pastor and those around me are helping me to discover where it is I am called to use the gifts I have been given. But today we had our annual meeting during worship and the president of the council was talking about what we've accomplished this year and he then went on to tell them that I'm preparing to go to seminary next year. He then said, "We plan to support her emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially as she prepares to go forward with this." And I was NOT expecting that in the least because I'm on the church council and we didn't discuss that. But I was kind of embarassed because I'm not used to having attention called to me out of nowhere in a sanctuary filled with a whole bunch of people. So, I have this habit of turning bright red when I'm even slightly embarassed. So, he was talking and I felt like I was going to explode little pieces of Trish all over the walls because I was so red. (Not mad, just embarassed for being the center of attention when I'd not planned it). But after Prez said that, out of nowhere, someone started clapping and then everyone was clapping. It was so humbling that they believe in me so fully that I can't even believe it. I don't deserve the love that my congregation gives me. I'm thankful for it, but I don't deserve it. To me it was reminiscent of Jesus' love for me because I don't deserve His love either, and I still get it. It's just amazing to see God's people showing love in unexpected ways. I hope I someday get to serve a church with people as wonderful as the people at Immanuel. And another thing that kinda made me smile was when it was time to share the peace. At my church, my mom and I sit in the 4th pew back pretty much all the time (I'll tell the story about that later.) And mom sits on the end because she likes me to walk in first. So, that means that Pastor usually shares the peace with Ma, because she is on the end. But today, during the Peace, I turned around from shaking the hands of those who sit behind me and he was standing in the 3rd pew, waiting to give me some peace. I just thought that was funny because I probably was still red from being singled out. So, Pastor shared the peace with me and Ma today. A small thing, but the peace is always one of my favorite parts of worship. And then, after worship, we all file out and on non-communion Sundays, Pastor is there to shake hands and say, "Good morning," or whatever. So today, he said, "Hope we didn't embarass you too much!" I just laughed because you have to laugh at yourself sometimes. And laughing at my neon red face helps me feel less stupid. So, anyway, blessings as you all start a new week!

More music

I'm an Internet junkie. Sorry, but that's who I am. I recently found a website for this musician who I really like. I jam out to his music in my car (granted, I've only heard one of his songs on the radio and I don't yet have the CD). People probably think I'm a psycho, but that's ok. Anyway, his name is Aaron Shust and you can hear a few of his songs on his webpage. So, I must confess that I've strayed from blogspot.com and have started another blog at myspace. I promise to stick with this one too, because frankly, I like the whole Independence from a Bigger Entity blog. With myspace, blogs are added on just because. I actually had to set up my account with blogspot... I can hear it now, "SHUT UP, we don't care. Get to something interesting!" Sorry, I digress.

So, I'm still waiting waiting waiting for news from synod. I know I've probably said it before, but I'm really geared up to get this sucka goin'. The Assistant to the Bishop talked to my pastor about 2 weeks ago and said that she told the Candidacy Chair to find someone for my Initial Interview. So, that is exciting. She also said I should hear something within the next few weeks. So, about 2 weeks have elapsed, so I should hear something real soon. I'm excited.

In other news, tonight at Restaurant where I work, we were slow. Now, since we had a busy week, that wasn't too upsetting to me. Actually, I was kinda happy because I got to schmooze with the people. I love schmoozing because it lets me talk to the people more. I love to make people laugh and when I'm not so hurried, it's easier to elicit those laughs. So, I had people rolling pretty much all night. I like it. Making people happy makes me happy. :) SO, I may seem boring as all get-out here, but in real life, people seem to think I'm charming and fun. I was even voted "Class Clown" in high school. Which is funny because people I met after high school don't really believe me. I'm still funny (I think), but I've changed A LOT since then. I mean, it was a whopping 5 years ago I graduated! But, that's enough about me. This has been a very long post, so I think I'm going to head off now. Have a blessed Saturday!

Music, slightly burned pizza, and Coke flavored water.

Bizarre title, oh I know. Here I sit with less than a week left in my winter break. I hate how I forget about all the cool music I have on my computer until it is almost time to go back to school. Why, you might be wondering, does it matter if I'm in school or not? Well, because I really don't listen to much recorded music unless it is late at night. And since bedtime is earlier during the semester, the music gets neglected. Anyway... I recently got into the whole Myspace fad. Some people I know were telling me I needed to be more active in my account. (I had one, but never logged in). So, I got online and stuff and was searching the other day and I found a really interesting group of musicians. Their name is Palisade and I have listened to one of their songs. One of my favorite hymns of all time is "It is Well with my Soul" aka "When Peace Like a River" in the LBW. I love this hymn for a number of reasons. I think mainly because in my "younger days" I used to be a very anxious type person. I even took a year and a half off of school in between high school and college because of anxiety. But anyway, I'd never heard the song before in my life, and about the time I felt God "tap me on the shoulder" as they say, the song became known to me. I felt that this song just spoke to me. So, I have several versions of it; the Palisade version being one of my favorites. So, if you want to check out this group for free downloads or just to see what they're about, check out the Palisade Music website.

In other news... My mom bought a frozen pizza and had that for dinner while I was at work. So, here I was in need of a midnight snack so I went to go get a piece. It was slightly burned, but alright. After all, it's Not Delivery! :)

Coke flavored water; ah I can hear it now, "Gross! What kind of sick whacko am I dealing with!?" But let me tell you, there's a rational explanation... I had a coke from a fast food place tonight and I didn't want to let all that perfectly good ice machine ice go to waste, so when I was done with the Coke, I filled my cup with water. It's alright. I like water any way you can give it to me (Just so long as it is potable and not out of the toilet like my little sister used to drink!).

And finally, I wish I had some commenting readers. Perhaps I should get one of those hit counters to see if I even have visitors! I read somewhere that it has recently been "National De-lurking week." So... If there is anyone out there lurking, drop me a line! I love comments! Yay. Ok, I'm out.

I am NOT a happy camper.

Here I sit, not liking the way my blog looks. I am not liking where my profile is on my blog and so I was trying to fix it, but to no avail. I think it's just the way my blogs for the month are out there though, because in my archives, my profile is in the right spot.. But, before I figured this out, I went and changed my template, which then took out my links. I only had a whopping 4 of them, but it's the principle of the matter. Ah well. I need to hurry up and get typing up some blogs to get this thing looking normal again. I'm such a dorkfish. :)

I'm such a super slacker!

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted. I'm bad. Anyway, I've been enjoying my time off from school. Don't get me wrong, I like school for the most part. However, it's great to have time for myself. I have to go back in 7 days. A full semester is ahead of me. After this semester, I will have a summer class, and then a light last semester until I'm done with my B.S. I'm very excited. I can hardly believe it. But, that's 11 months from now. It will be here sooner than I know it, though. I'm going to be busy with things this year in addition to my schoolwork though. I should be hearing from the synod soon about the Initial Interview. That is exciting to me. Within the next few weeks I should be hearing from them. I'm taking things as they come. But that's enough about the current events...

During my time off, I have been very unproductive. I spent a week at Sister's house. I did go to work too, but the point is that I didn't stay at home. It was fun. I watched a lot of movies and played a lot of video games. I got younger sister one of those Super Joysticks with all the old-school Nintendo games on it in 2004 for Christmas and I was trying to be Mario Bros. I got to the last castle and kept dying. It was frustrating, but what can you do? I was just happy to be playing old school Nintendo. Although I feel old now because a lot of teenagers work at the same place I do and the other day after work we were talking about gaming systems. I told them that Old-school Nintendo is my all time favorite and they said something along the lines of, "Wow, my mom or my (way older brother) had one of those." Or something like, "I think I may have seen one of those once." I felt old. :) Lol. Oh well. So, anyway. I guess that's all I really have to say right now. I will probably be better at updating this once school starts again. Bye.