Cat tillar

Happy Halloween. Yesterday, my mom, older sister (Denise), and I went to visit my brother, his wife, and their son. My nephew is 2 and a half, and quite possibly the cutest kid on the planet. I didn't have to work again, because I waitressed on Saturday night. So, we decided to take the hour and a half car trip down there to visit for the day. It was really fun. The little guy is hilarious and a huge ham! He modeled his Halloween costume for us. It's a bright green caterpillar costume with antennae and everything! And when we asked him what he was, he said, "Cat tillar," because he is just a wee one and misses the middle part of the word and doesn't say the 'p.' All in all, it was a pretty fun day. Oh yeah! And on the way back, we stopped and got Krispy Kremes! Yeah, baby! Anyway. So tonight is mooching Monday, so I plan to go to Denise's, pass out candy, and have a real meal. The only reason I like Mondays is because I get a real, home-cooked, hot, not-out-of-a-box meal. It's wonderful. :) Anyway, I guess that's all I have to say right now. I have to go study for a test I have in 3 1/2 hours. :) Yay for procrastinating!

I don't know what the deal is.

Today, I sit here wondering about my future. I don't really know why, but I'm feeling kind of stressed about it. Way back when I first started discerning my call to ministry, I felt kind of intimidated about all the things I'd have to learn, all the things I'd have to endure, and all the things I'd have to discover about myself in order to get to ministry. But, as time has progressed and I've gotten the opportunity to utilize some of my gifts and think about what the future holds, I've become less intimidated. However, after reading another blog, I have begun to feel intimidated again. I don't know why, and that is frustrating to me. Mark's Blog (the one I've been reading) says a lot of great things for him. The faculty has said great things about him and everything. But I guess I'm just afraid that in the future, if I ever get to seminary, they might not say great things about me. What if I'm just mediocre? What if I've been bad at this whole discernment process thus far? What if I'm going in a direction that God does NOT want me to go? That is what I fear the most, I suppose: Going in a direction God would rather I not go. It just seems that lately, I have not been a "good enough" person to be pursuing this vocation. I know that pastors are not perfect, but they're supposed to be examples of godly living to the community with patience, humility, gentleness, and a plethora of other spiritual gifts. For the most part, I'm pretty patient and all that good stuff, but I still struggle with one relationship in my life. That relationship makes me feel like an awful person because I just have come to the end of my rope. I don't know what to do about my future. I only know that I must trust God to lead me where He wants me to go, believing in His power and ability to sustain me through wherever this road I am on takes me. Please forgive my venting. I feel better now. Peace.

Blah blah blah.

It is getting colder outside. This morning I was walking to class and I could see my breath. Yikes. Ah well. This is what I get for living in Illinois. We have seasons that change. Anyway. I have devised a way to get off work on Good Friday so I can go to church! I'm excited. Everyone at ISU has to take the University Writing Exam in order to graduate. We're supposed to take it while we have between 45 and 75 credit hours, but since I am a super-slacker, I didn't register for it. So, they offer this exam every single Friday throughout the semester from 4:00 till about 5:00 or something like that. So, since I figured I'd have to take a Friday off anyway for it, I figured I should at least make it a Friday that would be worthwhile. So, Good Friday it was. I'm excited. I really hate missing Lenten services. Like Pastor said one time, "Missing out on Wednesday Lenten services and then going to Easter morning worship is like coming in at the end of a movie where you've missed all the struggles and joys and everything that makes the end all that much more meaningful." BUT! Next year is the LAST TIME THAT I WILL EVER HAVE TO MISS LENTEN SERVICES!!!!!! Yay! So, that's what is on my mind today. Oh, and I think I am going to go blog surfing to see if I can make friends. Bye.

Phew...

I'm happy. You know why? Because I am all signed up for next semester. I didn't get into that FCS class, but that's ok. I decided on another psych class instead. I'm just happy I found 6 classes that fit my schedule that would also take care of the requirements I needed to fulfill. So, I'm excited. Oh! and an extra bonus-5 of the 6 classes are Tuesday/Thursday classes, and my one Monday/Wednesday class is only for the first 8 weeks. That means I'm going to have Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays off from school! I'm going to be able to save so much money and time! Yeehaw! (Money because I won't be driving 100 miles a day, and time because I won't be in the car forever). So, I'm excited. Anyway. So, I've had myself a glass of wine a few minutes ago and because I'm a major lightweight, I'm feeling it. I need to go to bed now. Goodnight.

I really hate scheduling...

Is it me, or does scheduling completely suck!? I hate it more than is really logical. Right now I am in the process of registering for next semester's classes. I want to take 16 credit hours because one of the classes I'm taking is only 8 weeks long. I also want to take that many because I want to take a summer class next summer so I can have a really light last semester (I heard Soc. 300 can be a killer). So, I'm trying to sign up for these classes, but some of them are closed already. That in itself is something I don't really understand because I'm going to be a senior, and the class I wanted to take that I'm not able to is in my major. So, I wanted to take this FCS class because it sounded cool, but I haven't met the requirements. Therefore, I must go visit the advisor to beg her to please let me into the freakin' class. Ugh. I wish they'd just say, "Trish, you take these 6 classes and you'll be all good." Really, that's what I want. But no... I have to be an adult, ok and now I have realized I'm being a whiner. Sorry. But I feel better now that I have that off my chest. If that chick won't let me into the class, I'll just have to choose something else, I guess. Anyway. I only need to pick out one more class. So, it'll be fine. Really. I need to go now. It's past my bedtime. zzzZZZzzz

Procrastinate? Me? No.....

As usual, I'm sitting here in the lab at school in between classes. But what I should be doing is studying for a test I have at 12:35. But, I'm too excited because I got a B+ on my STATS TEST!!!!!!!! I suck at math and I got a B+! I'm so excited. I was only one point away from an A, but that's ok because I am so happy! I took a General Elementary Stats class at jr. college and scraped by with a C by the skin of my teeth. (You have to have a C or better for community college credit to transfer). So, Here I am, having achieved a B on both my stats tests thus far. It is just very exciting for me. But anyway, I should be studying because this upcoming test is in a class I'm not doing exceptionaly well in. I got a B- on the first test and that is kinda bad for me. Stratification is an extremely interesting subject, but I just can't get into it with the method this teacher uses. But I'm making excuses. Sometimes I think I need to remember that good grades do not mean as much as I'd like to think. Sometimes I think that to be respected and loved I need to have a 4.0 GPA. And then I think of that song that says, "Money won't complete me; fame won't complete me. I am complete in You" (meaning God). And it helps me recall that God would love me even if I flunked out of college and became a prostitute on the street. Why, you may ask? Because God so loved the WORLD (not just A students, not just well to do affluent people, not just regular church goers...) God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so that whoever believed in Him would not perish but have everlasting life. (Gotta love John 3:16). But anyway, I still try to do the best with the gifts and opportunities with which I have been blessed, so I'm going to stop blogging and go study. Blessings!

Something I need to remember sometimes...

Your Fortune Is

It's ok to let a fool kiss you, but don't let a kiss fool you.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

Contrary to popular opinion, I do date sometimes. Although usually not people I should. But, anyway... It helps me remember why I don't like dating.

Praise the Lord!

Today is midterm, at long last! Praise the Lord for bringing me thus far! Yay!

So, anyway, today is officially midterm. On Monday when we come back here, the semester will officially be half over. I had an advisement appointment with my academic adviser the other day and I'm a little scared about next semester. I'm having a difficult time finding classes that fit my schedule. I don't really want to give up work, you know, cuz you have to have money to get here, but I really really REALLY want to be done with ISU by December '06. I know, I know... We make plans, God laughs, but this is something I'm really working toward. I guess if worse comes to worse, I will just have to make a schedule where I won't be able to work Tuesdays and Thursdays. wow, I'm awful at typing today. I burned my fingers yesterday on the coffee machine at work and I think I damaged 'em! AHHH! Anyway. I just wanted to let all of posterity know that it is midterm. Oh, and I still don't know if I passed my background check yet. Because I'm a big ol' felon. (I'm kidding, I'm not. Although I'm allowed to joke because I have lots of contact with felons and I am not kidding around because I think I'm "better" than they are.) Anyway. I'm off to nurse my burnt hands. Bye.

(note from the author: please forgive my overuse of ellipses '...' and exclamation points. I'm easily excited and amused. Oh yeah, and sorry about misspellings, too.)

Woo Doggies, I have archives!

Hey now.. I have real archives that actually have posts in them. I'm excited about that. You would not believe it. So, I didn't get anything done this weekend that I wanted to get done. Well, except I bought some new clothes. I rarely go shopping, so I guess that's something to be proud of. I'm kind of bored and stuff right now. I wish it wasn't getting colder. I wish this semester was over. I wish I was accepted into the whole candidacy process already. I wish a lot of things, but wishing is not getting these things done. Day by day, I must proceed. There was a "social gathering" at Pastor's other church today for a boy who died in a car accident a while ago. (Pastor has 2 churches because we live in a rural type area). Anyway, the young man died not a couple days ago Friday, but like, LAST week Friday. They waited till Pastor got back from vacation because they wanted him to do the services. So, instead of a visitation, they had a social gathering. I really feel for those people. It really sucks when someone dies all unexpectedly and stuff. A bunch of people I went to high school with have died and I'm only 22. So, I have been in a situation like the one the friends of this young man are in now. I really feel for them. :( I just can hope that they can get to a place where they are not angry or bitter anymore, but I fully realize it may take a while. Trust me, I know it can and often does take a while. But anyway. I have to go now. I'm going to hit the hay early tonight. Hasta.

Almost midterm!!!!!!

Hi everybody! It is almost midterm here at ISU! Yeah. I'm so excited about that (in case you couldn't tell by the blatant overuse of exclamation points in the title of this post!). So anyway. Midterm is actually next week. I'm not 100% on what day it is though. I think Friday, but I could be wrong. That means that in less than 3 months I will be a senior. I can't believe it. Where has this year gone? I'm excited about my future, even though there is still a lot up in the air. Gotta love discernment, right? But, since next week is midterm, I guess a lot of my time this weekend will be spent studying/reading/not having any fun because I need to catch up on that which I have procrastinated doing thus far. Haha. I'm making lots of typos today and am catching them, but it makes me laugh because some of them are just silly. A few seconds ago I typed procrastinateded. Hehe. I'm such a dork, but I think everyone should try it sometimes. I think I'm going to go do something a little more productive now though. Blessings!

Dundundundun!

So today is a day to procrastinate! But then again, isn't every day? Ha. Well, I missed my 8:00 a.m. class on monday because I woke up not feeling good at all. I figured that I'd better just stay home and get some sleep to see if I'd feel up to going to my 1:00. I did. And it was nice to sleep in for a change. But, I'm still not feeling 100%, but what can you do? Anyway. Next week is midterm!!! I can't believe it! It's exciting because this year has just flown by for the most part! I'm so excited. Oh yeah! More fairly exciting news, (To me, anyway) my background check is partially done. They sent out the forms to my current boss, so I can only imagine that they've sent them out to my other "references" as well. If they all got to those in a timely fashion, I would imagine that Oxford is hard at work making sure I'm not some sicko or something. Basically, I think, that is the point of the background checks. They don't want to let someone into the ministry who is going to hurt children or abuse the position of pastor. I can completely, COMPLETELY understand that because you gotta uphold the integrity of the Church. While pastors are not perfect, they are expected to be examples to the community. So... I'm not really certain as to when I have to do the next steps.. The synod (my guess) probably will tell me after the background check is complete. Then the next step (again, not sure) is the psychological evaluation by proxy, which means I have to take a psych test, but Pastor can give it to me. Then, I have to go to see the church chosen psychiatrist to discuss the results of the test. I'm not too worried about that, but it still seems kind of intimidating that he is going to be analyzing my mind and reporting the results to people. Ah well. All in the learning process, eh? Basically, that is the update for now. It's been kind of long-winded, but like I've said before, it's for posterity! Haha. Bye.